Still pushing forward…

I’m really terrible at keeping posting promises…aren’t I? Sorry? You know, life gets busy…things take a back seat…I do apologize for leaving you hanging though.

Most of you follow me on Facebook, so you know last Tuesday was a huge blow to me.

Here’s what happened and the latest since then…

Tuesday was my scheduled appointment to do my pre-op because my insurance had approved my surgery! I thought it was all going to be fine. I stopped by Arrowhead health to pick up my surgery clearance, because I can’t trust anyone there to do it correctly.

I was not clear. My iron levels were still too low and my body was not absorbing the iron. They would not clear me. But they took more blood.

Naturally, I was…very upset. But, my dietician at WLIAZ called me and told me to still come in to the pre-op…and that we would move forward as if things were progressing for now. In that appointment, Dr. Debarros told me that he will NOT do the surgery until the lump in my left breast was deemed benign. Period. Ok. After that appointment, I had a ton of other non-related things to do.

Cue to the next day…4th of July…I had shananigans to do…enough said.

July 5th… talked to Arrowhead health…for two reasons…1. what are we going to do about my low iron, and 2. I need a biopsy…NOW. They set up an appointment for me to talk with my primary who is now back!!!!

Back story…the person I have been dealing with at Arrowhead health the last few months is not my usual doctor…my usual doctor was on maternity leave…she was now back. Thank God!

So, I meet with her, get her up to date, what are we gonna do?! Blood work is back….iron is NORMAL!!!! Finally it is where it needs to be. I will have to be on iron pills for the rest of my life…but yes! Then she tells me not all my clearances are in…huh? Yeah, I still needed a chest x-ray and a letter from the sleep center that I was clear…as well as clearance about the breast mass.

So, I’m like…ok let’s get it done. She sends me for a chest x-ray…that comes back fine…check.

I called sleep center…they are supposed to send a letter…check…will double check tomorrow.

I have an appointment set up with Ironwood Breast Cancer Research next Wednesday to relook at the images. Either she says, I’m good and signs off…or we need to relook at it. Ok still up in the air on that.

Overall, almost there. Almost there. I keep telling myself that. In the meantime, I continue to go to the gym, eat right and try not to worry so much. Snort.

I’ll know where I stand on Wednesday…maybe I can still get this in before Sept. 1 hits. Let’s see.




Getting real…

Update: My file was sent to insurance company last Friday. I should hopefully have an approval last this week, early next week. Which means…surgery mid July!!!!

Emotions running deep…

I had a yoga class today. I’ve always wanted to do yoga. Being 400+pounds overweight, that’s not an easy thing to do.

I had been told that this instructor would help me make accommodations, because I can’t get down on the ground yet. That really didn’t happen. I tried to do some modifications myself using a chair, but I got no help…no tips…no direction. For a lot of the class I sat there…watching because I literally could not do those things. I wanted to cry…I fought the tears…then to add insult to injury…when he has everyone resting on the floor he asks me to take a picture of him in front of the class for his Instagram. It took all I had to not burst out in tears. And yes, he asked if I was ok to do that…but I couldn’t say no.

So I’m sitting here in the locker room…bawling…and yes feeling a little sorry for myself.

Ok…done with that. I can’t change the past…only my own future. I won’t give up either. I’ll do my own research…I know there’s videos out there on chair yoga…I’ll find one…and learn that. As I continue to lose weight, I’ll be able to do more. I will return to this class at a later time and prove to myself that I can do it.

I’m going to stop hiding in this damn stall, get on my swinsuit and head into the pool for my exercises there. Take that!

The picture was me before the class…but I actually like it…because I look at it and realize I’ve changed in the last 6 months. I see the weight loss. It helps keep me going.

Quick update

Redid blood work yesterday…no results yet.

I told PCP I wanted a second opinion on the mass…I got a referral. I talked with someone else with experience with this…she gave me a different place thats better…I emailed them I wanted a referral for them. Hopefully I’ll get an appointment soon.

Have a great weekend all!

The Light at the End of the Tunnel…

So much has happened in the last week or so. And some of it, only a few people know about. I haven’t been keeping things from you…just waiting until I knew more to discuss it and how I am dealing with it.

Here’s where things are at:

1. For those that follow me on facebook, know that I had a set back with my primary care. Let’s just say, they are FIRED! I am looking at a getting a new PCP and have had several suggesstions from others that I will be checking out. Essentially this last issue was…my bloodwork was done with them on May 21st. They DID NOT tell me there was any issue with the bloodwork and only let me know that I was anemic (low iron) when I called to ask why they hadn’t sent my surgery clearance. Here’s the kicker though…I have my medical records for every visit with them. It clearly states in the paperwork going back to 2013… that I have anemia. So, it’s NOW an issue?! On top of that…it takes 2-4 DAYS to get bloodwork results back…I found out on 6/13…that she wasn’t signing off on the paperwork because of this.

So, needless to say I was a little…ticked off. I made an appointment the next day to do bloodwork again. The result was getting iron pills and I have to recheck my blood in 2 days. IF my iron is in normal levels…she will sign my paperwork.

Regardless, Arrowhead Health is going to be fired.

Which brings me to number 2..

2. I talked to WLIA…As long as I can get that paperwork signed and over to them…they can submit everything to my insurance company and get a date for surgery!!! YES! Let’s keep our fingers crossed for this…

ok. On to number 3.

3. This is the one, I’ve been keeping from people. I was waiting for more information to discuss it…out loud. Because saying it out loud and putting it out there…makes it more real. And makes it more scary.

On the same day I was told about my anemia, I received another phone call from a doctor I never expected to hear from other than the obligatory once a year letter to tell me everything is fine, see you next year.

In late May, I had a mammogram. I’ve had one every year for 15 years. Ever since a lump was found in my right breast, which was biopsied and turned out to just be a bunch of fat cells.

They had found another lump and wanted to do another mammogram and an ultrasound. I made an appointment to do this the next day as well. So I went from having bloodwork to the mammogram/ultrasound.

I received those results yesterday. *deep breath*

The right breast has a cyst. It’s nothing.

The left breast, which wasn’t on their radar but they ultrasounded both breasts…that one…has a mass. My CURRENT primary is making me wait 6 months to “see if it grows”. I’m getting a second opinion. Now, the possibility of this actually being cancer is extremely low…but it’s scary nonetheless. And I’m not going to dwell on it…because that will do no good. I am going to work on getting clearance for surgery and moving forward with that.

I got this.

What are those things?

I see you…yes you…down there…on the ground…wiggling around…what are you? Oh gosh! It’s my feet! Yup! I can see my feet. Now, you’re probably all wondering…”she’s lost it. How did she not know her feet have been there since she was born?!”

Oh, I knew they were there…but the last several years, if I wasn’t sitting down…I didn’t see them. Think about it.

When I look down now…I don’t just see a belly…I see toes…the tips of my shoes…my really bad nails…Oh gosh I need a pedicure! It’s sandal season!!

I’ve lost enough weight that when I look down… I can see my feet.